Disappointments, failures, betrayal and some other sweet stuff.

3:30

I have about 10 more minutes to come up with a blog post because :
1. I have something in mind that I need to put in words.
2. I have to sleep.

But here I am, staring at the blinking cursor, arguing with myself If I really need to do this.
Honestly, I prepared a 322-words blog post intricately discussing what I feel at this moment. 322 words of displeasure, rage, madness. Acid fury. Words that will probably make me wince once I read it back months from now. Words not really intended for anyone, which then makes it even more hateful because I have no one to blame. You see, sometimes, its good to blame something. You blame the weather, traffic, the noisy kid in the background, the food poorly prepared. You blame something because you dont want to blame yourself for something you have no control over. You blame an inanimate senseless something because it makes you free. It makes you powerful. It makes you feel that you have a choice.
And today, I dont have anything or anyone to blame.

No, its not another heartache (I’ll be damned if it is). And surely, its not my ugly dogs dying (I love them). Its something about work  the choices I made in my life (woah!).

I googled (so Googled is a verb now?) the word FURY and was given several meanings and antonyms.

Antonyms: balance, calmness, saneness

Life is such an amazing juxtaposition. It will make you realize that what you really need is something exactly the opposite of what you really feel. Maybe I have too much fury the past days that It consumed me. Maybe all I really need is to be calm.  If I publish that 322 words, will it benefit me? Will it make me proud of myself? Will it make me remember how my life is well spent 40 years from now?  NO.

So I’d stick with the good ones. The positive ones. Those storm-less skies.

4:49 

I watched a video of talking twins. I wanted twins in the future. I wanted them to have that psycho-mystical-extrasensory-perception shit ( I dont know what Im talking about) that twins allegedly have. That ability to communicate through their minds.

“Lets sneak upstairs and play video games”

“Cant, brother. Mom has the XBOX.”

4:57

That 322-words blog post expeditiously went straight to the recycle bin.

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Jona Alday

A corporate slave who finds joy in motivating and leading people but ultimately yearns for weekends and plotted vacation leaves. An Engineering graduate who HATES Math. An acrophobic who conquers mountains. A lover of sleepy towns, dawn, poetry, pancit canton and cats.

One thought on “Disappointments, failures, betrayal and some other sweet stuff.”

  1. Disappointments are always here to test us. At the end of the day, or maybe after weeks of endlessly questioning whether our decision was right in the first place… we will learn something from it. Something that will make us better 🙂

    Hoping you are feeling better now.

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