I read this blog post at the perfect place and time. Just what I wrote on the comments section – I am exactly that girl who looks out of the window from my office on the 22nd floor, secretly dreaming of magical places, undiscovered paths, bonfires shared with strangers, secret lagoons, wild flowers, diverse culture and people waiting to be embraced and lived upon. I admire her courage to step out and defy the standard of living. She took her chances and carve her own path – and in this aberrant way, she found bliss. Reading this blog made me realize that I needed to fight my own monsters and deal with my fears to be really happy. This experiences and discoveries, I realized, will never come to me.. I have to chase them. Today, I will start confronting those fears and at the perfect time, I will buy that plane ticket to wherever the heaven will take me. “Travel and experience the world while you still can.”
“Travel is never a matter of money but of courage. I spent a large part of my youth traveling the world as a hippie. And what money did I have then? None. I barely had enough to pay for my fare. But I still consider those to have been the best years of my youth.The great lessons I learned has been precisely those that my journeys had taught me.”
I know you. You look through countless of travel blogs, browse through the travel section of the bookstore, read Lonely Planet guidebooks, and National Geographic magazines. You’re in love with city maps, atlases, and globes. You get shivers down your spine when you run your fingers down the tiny blood veins on a map as if it was breathing and coming alive. And it says to you, “Buy a god damn ticket and explore me.” But you don’t, because you…
Would your 8 years old self be proud of you right now?
I have very few memories of me when I was a child so Im not really sure what I wanted back when I was just 8 years old. I wished I knew then how to make list or write a diary. But all I could remember when I was that age was that I love picking fruits from our backyard, I enjoy watering our plants during the afternoon when the sun is beginning to set and I love pretending as If Im one of the Ninja Turtles (I even injured my brother – cut his eyebrow open as I wield my bo like my favorite Donatello. No, I dont have a real long staff weapon but I found a metal bar that we used to open the windows and trash it to his face and “accidentally” cut his eyebrows which left a scar up until today. My brother is supposed to be Leonardo with a pair of plastic comb as his Katana. He was clearly disadvantaged defenseless. My mother was so angry she prohibited me from touching my metal bar and Im pretty sure she got me exorcised.)
So with those few (but happy) childhood memories, I dont remember what I really want back then. But my mother must have known as she spent her hard earned money to enroll me to some advanced drawing class, computer lessons (back when computers are only for the super rich) and music class (I ended playing the Bandurria which is the equivalent of today’s DJ Turn Tables. Joke. Its a smaller guitar for the nerds.) OFCOURSE I NEVER REALLY EXCEL ON ANY OF THEM. I become a squandering Engineer (insert sarcasm here.)
All in all, I was a happy 8 years old even though life has been so rough for my family as we grow up. And my 8 years old self would have want the same for me today – HAPPY. Despite the struggles and the lack of too many things. My 8 years old self would be so proud of me as I never let family problems, shortage, failures nor disappointments define me, break me. Instead, I used them as rung to my ladder which Im still climbing up until today. I was unbreakable. I worked for my family and study at the same time. I laughed at my mistakes then try again. I was a fighter. An awkward but sanguine Ninja Turtle.
When I turn 40, I wanna ask myself again if my 26 years old self is proud of what I have become. Hopefully, its a resounding yes with the clink of wine glasses.
How about you? Will you ask yourself the same question? Are you prepared for the answers?
Thanks @infinitesatori for inspiring this post. And for inspiring me in general.
At exactly 12 AM, upon turning 26, I made a sort of “ceremonial” walk towards the beach. As I look up in the sky, I closed my eyes, took a deep breath of salty air and whispered a small promise to my self — I will chase whatever makes me happy. No matter what it takes, no matter the distance.
I dont really talk about my faith alot in here but today, as I walk along the quiet beach and hear the steady crashing of the waves – I cant help but be amazed on how things are put up perfectly in their place. Everything. Everything in the right order, always in the perfect time. I was reminded not to always ask”why”, but always say “Thank You”. How great is He who made all these things.
My earlier flight must have been one of the scariest moment of my life– so is all my plane rides.
Scariest because I am absolutely sure we went thru a small air pocket and encountered a mini turbulence (or maybe Im just exaggerating. Any of my closest friends can testify to my BEHEMOTH fear of heights.) It was also my first time to fly in the evening which I never intended to — it is only because our flight was transferred to a later schedule (without any notification of course) and then the “later flight” turned out to be delayed by an hour. All in all, I spent 6 hours on the airport before it took off, and had two cups of coffee as I wait for the blessed plane. And nobody even bothered to say theyre sorry for the inconvenience.
So that brings me to my current state. Sleepless. Caffeeine kicked in and defiant to not go away, atleast for now. Within the next 2 hours, I am supposed to travel from this small hotel room to the main island and finally see the beach again.
This is supposed to be a gift for myself – a few days of just relaxing and not stressing too much and get some decent rest. Yes, it kinda has a bad start, but today is a new day.
Note to self : Stay away from coffee during the entire vacation. Must.
I know this is a bit early, but I am anticipating a busy day for both of us come July 25. So might as well throw you some early gift I wrote while sipping a dark, evil Kapeng Barako. Happy Birthday! Toss the birthday blues away. Life is beautiful 🙂